what a night

Yesterday was Kelsey´s 20th birthday.  So a group of us went to dinner at this pizza joint, and then some of the others joined up with us a little later but they didn´t order.  Then we went to a bar for a bit before we went to Kapital.  It´s a club with 8 levels that totally crazy.  There had to be at 10 of us there from K plus some other people that we´ve met.  It was definately an experience.  I was tipsier than I´ve ever been after that Sangria, and we left at 6 the next morning... which put me home just before 7.  That meant I´d been up for nearly 24 hours.  I think that Kelsey had an absolute blast!!  Which is completely awesome.

But... now for the rant.A couple of people made some comments to one of the girls, and collectively they added up to just the things that needed to be said to make her feel completely awful.  It´s not such a fun time to have all of your insecurities back at the surface when you´re out celebrating.  After a visit or two to the bathroom to get some of the tears out (and a mean cleaning lady who kicked us out of the bathroom...) she was feeling somewhat better at least.  Let´s just sit down and tell some one that you´re completely not attracted to them at all, and have your buddy back you up by saying that she has a great personality. What do you think about so and so... "oh they´ve got a stellar personality"  well that´s good, but that felt alot like... she´s not pretty but I don´t want to say anything bad about her.  She felt so awful, and I didn´t know how to make her feel any better.And then there´s me. Silly me.  I´m the one who fell too fast for someone who doesn´t see me.  I haven´t felt that completely invisible in a long time.  I realize that I am not the exotic and exciting kind of girl that guys think of meeting while they are on study abroad.  I´m not from a different country, I don´t speak a different language, I don´t even fit the American standard of beauty... I´m pretty much just plain jane, not particularly too much of anything. That helped to reinforce the "you´re not good enough battle" that I´m fighting as it is. But I suppose it´s my own fault.... I should know better by this point.

I did have some random Spanish guy ask me to dance... well, he didn´t really ask now that I think about it.  He just started dancing with me....lol.  That was interesting.  I like dancing with Spanish guys at Club Soda better I think.  But that is only becuase one of our profs mentioned how when American girls dance the way they´re used to it´s seen as a sexual invitation by Spanish men here. So I was very aware of what I was doing and where I was just so that I wouldn´t send the wrong message.  Having to think about dacing detracted from the fun... but it was still a good time.  And he said that I was pretty, and that helped to cheer me up for a while.

I for sure couldn´t do that all weekend every weekend like some do... but I´m glad that I went at least that once.  It would have been better if my friend and I had been in better spirits, but there isn´t anything that can be done about that now.  Perhaps next time.